Breathe

I feel as though I'm failing. I haven't been keeping up with posts this week like I had been, and I start to get anxious about not staying on top of it. I've always had a problem with striving to be a million things at once. Over the last few years I've started becoming aware of it, and realizing I have to let that idea go sometimes and allow for others to help me. I want to be a good student, a hard worker, a great friend, a loving girlfriend, a craft creator, etc etc etc...and now recently moving into a home has created another role, that I've found myself to be the hardest I've ever experienced. Keeping up with the cleaning, maintenance, cooking, and laundry of a home is nothing to take lightly. (I'm thankful to get this experience now before kids ever become a part of it, I can't even imagine how some moms do it the way they do) Now don't get me wrong, not all of the chores --not by a long shot--are left up to me to accomplish. I am blessed to have a man who helps out constantly, and I'd say we make a pretty good team when it comes to running the house. The problem with it is the 1950's housewife whose trapped inside me, who decides to rare her pretty little evil head every once and awhile. It'll be just a normal day and Chase will be straightening up a room or some clutter and then something in me makes me feel like that's a sign I'm not doing enough around the house or a good job at taking care of the house. I all of a sudden take it as this huge insult to the woman-of-the-house inside of me and I get all in a tizzy. Poor Chase, I know it just confuses the hell outta him, and makes him feel like he's done something wrong. I will give it to men, they do have to deal with some crazy irrational emotions from most women. I don't know why I get that way. I wish I could freeze time and remind myself it's stupid, the same way I remind myself that about 20 minutes after my fit has already put him in a bad mood..I hope this is one of those emotions that will continue to subside with age. The older I get I hope the more ill except you can't be the best at everything you get yourself involved in, you can just give it your best and that's all you can do. See I can tell myself that right now, but I know I don't believe it quite yet for my own sake. Now I know this post doesn't have much a purpose or provide anyone else with a lot of help on anything (except maybe some relief you're not the only old, fifties fashioned person trapped in this century) but I guess I just felt like ranting today. It's good for your health you let it out, I have some real good friends who understand and allow me to do so regularly. Each is different with their style of responding and that what makes them each so important to my mental health. I don't know how women make it through life without other women to constantly reassure them their not the only crazy one. Needless to say I need to just kick my butt in to high gear, get the work done that needs to be done, and not trouble myself with the possibilities of failure and the chances I won't live up to the high standards I set for myself. Basically I just need to

breathe in. breathe out. move on.

That's my motto for the day.